Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
