It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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