SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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