It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
