I got chris browned last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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