im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
