Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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