She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
