Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
