i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
