I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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