let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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