So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
