does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
