im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
