Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
