More tranny stories later!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dick has a subreddit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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