I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
