it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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