too bad you live with your parents still
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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