I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
