WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
