Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
