the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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