I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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