Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
