went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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