Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
