you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
