atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
