He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
