so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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