you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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