You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
