You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
