i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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