last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
