They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
