i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
