I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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