so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
