some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
