fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
