It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
