u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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