I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
