you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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