I'm jealous of your bromance
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
