i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
