Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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