so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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